opened the door to failure, she my old friend

Glass of water half full
a sharpie
ash
corner of bread crust from
a tuna salad

sun glasses
never leave the
house

it's better to hear
then see

Lotion
shame looks
real good

God speaks to me through my record player

I feel it

it shines




can I see?


can't you see?


_______________shine love

()()()()
= = = =the lights candle never went down
but))>><<((we still made shame under a blanket


love
him
and
everyone

with equal love
and God nor he will
have anything to say too you

LOVE


God is a consuming

fire


spit ball
in a hollowed out Bic pen
wadded straw-wrappers
sucked on

to moist

inhale

put
mouth
next_______to blowgun


....SUNDAY SCHOOL....

they look like perfect shapes

dressed in sweatpants
her shopping_________cart
filled w/
+++++++++diapers
+++++++++canned baby food


middle aged woman
flirts passive
small smirk
by the meat alse

she brushed
by w/
a scent of cupons
and
expensive
bathing soaps


all
the
gay
men
go
shopping at 10:34am

___they're kept up
better than the striaghts

retaining dapper-dandies


the

old
((((asian)
retired seniors
smile
in b/w
catching


up


"hey, aha,...
____________-hello, how you've been>...good,good...umm I see, (chuckle
OK by..yeh, oh bye."

to
say

drained
life
working
to
food-career
pointless-job

we
play
catch up
in the supermarket
we
can
finally
see
each
____________other

face
to
face

and
meet
our
friends
and
relax

NOT
________SO.

Not So
not so
my


friend.

we
still

must____________________
_____________spend______


the
dollar


on
frozen
trays


w/ pill-like-form

health
swallowed



to


keep us


ticking


the shopping
_____________carts

carry
__only
______minimums

of food


the
______beast-machine

this
___)))Anti-Christ
_______called


slavery
has


drained

the
life-spirit-force


right out of us/

...if I ruled the world

if I took over
A computer company
and
FedEx


I could
___destroy
the


WORLD.

if my
computer
worked

I
could
level the keyboard


with on e
%%%%%%%%%blow

!!!!!!!OF THE FINGER TIP-thought

the tip of a
))<<>>((nail
bite
frankly in
frenzy

to
explore
the

lymph nodes
and cough drops


over
the
mucus
covered

tissue

next


to the mug
of warm

Brandy.


pigment-pale


Loss
of
blood-gut
_____________groans


the
muscle it takes
to
dream
thinks
all day
________of________
____---------the


INSANITY
it
caused

when

we


lost the grip

control
remote

on the
future

my

inclination

is to
die
a

lone

not

controlled
or

owned
by anything



in
this
world


I
AM

truly

a
Free
MAN

the waiting Game

In single file
________lines
to purchase
))))))))))Sandwiches, tires,
the
___mean
________mechanic
rotates
eyes and
whips a red rage
over
__________====+his
__right
shoulder pissed
off...


my
car
is finished

defeat looks better on the resume

Crumbled cotton,
_________hard
stale towel
w/ a wet moldy odor.

stepped into my interview
w/ a nervous stench
crawling
all over
the lobby
see
the cockroaches
scatter

"we'll pay you...9.50 an hour, plus benefits."


"what benefits?"


slave wages for
lower back pains

I
haven't had
a job since

12/12/05

I ran out
of money
8 months ago

I live on
hand outs,
hand-me downs,
laying on of hands.

humankind
turns
it back
and I'm about to die
w/o a cent
to my name...

I hear
laughter
and good times

closed-tired
doors creak
starving bellies
and bloody brains

this
is
a
reflection
of
my
subtle
blue

morn for me, man morn for me
pity is like a steak and eggs breakfast
we feast on snacks are too weak to feed
our soul-gut
I get up
and feel like
applying myself for
the first time
but my
resume
lays
in
the
gutter
w/ rain droplets
distorting
the ink
into
blurred tears
(I can't move)
frozen stuck
in headlights and
bumper stickers
I'm defeat w/a resume

my rasta I-man and the holy three

the morning was made with God's blessing. the rasta woke in his bed
with one old blanket. up on the hill he cooked food he found around the
fallen leaves, I woke up in the same jungle with gas pumps overpasses and gun shots
by street lamps around 35th and international. I held a stepping razor and a tooth brush
b/w my teeth; strut my legs, swift. I had placed the right hand on the handle of the toothbrush and proceeded with a forward/back motion, it really helped the enamel, and you could tell in the right sunlight but the hustle was on the back of many men and I could feel it in the way we squited our eyes...the traffic was backed up. the car was finally fixed. The time was 5:37pm and I could smell the fast food drive-throughs pile up I was eating no meat at the time and my gut was torn b/w health and death
I rather choose death with a whopper and med. fries and a Dr. pepper, but I suffered so...haven't been to chruch since 2005 I found my heart urning for a Little God to help my bank account but I knew they'd never understand the earth by locking up their check books in offering plates I met a few old pastors and they wore a honest smile
and talked human, but many of them just wanted to discuss damnation and do's and don'ts...I rather masterbate with jesus in the room, begging for my twisted artistic vision splattered on the floor with a pure heart...

love loss and the moving sky

life is good

got some peace


___________and


______quiet

now I can
_________handle
____the
____humans


and

...you


clear skies

removed of

hint


the
chill
goes

right
to my ears
and

makes

my

___nose
running


I still truck on

my feet
are sore

my
head

hangs


over

the
railing

I
vomit


out
comes

the
green

red
chunks

of
my

lunch
pale


I'm
mentally

sick

ups

downs

the

long lost
boyhood

playing
w/
toys

women
have
cooties

and
kickball

still
rules
the schoolyard

whores and wine

drink enough
look
Appealing
if we
fuck em'
enough
we'll
have
to
drink
more


if we made
______MORE
______MONEY
we
would
win

___________pussy, passion,
___________pleasure, purple hearts




models and metals


we're
of
a
cowardly
kind
that
can't
shine
our
face
on sides
of
automobiles
and
airplanes
in parking lots
and
airports
we couldn't
buy
time
if
they
sold it
next to
the
pisser

...the whores will
always fuck
and the
wino's will
always drink
no one gave up
on that


a whore
and a wino
better to
taste
the bottom
then live
in the middle

IOWA CITY

Everyone
+++++++++either
ages,Blooms,or
///////////////gets fat.

Some
________stumble home in
Poke-a-dot skirts and red
high heels
on cellphones
looking
for
friendship
on
the
other
line.



others get
_____________old
________________and Flirt, kiss,
and mate w/ young
women
______w/
++++++++++++knowledge
of their
________own
__________ stupidity.

others
________give in.
give up.
____________give away.
dreams,
women,
good jobs...
they're quiet.

reserved.

I
__too
______sit
reserved

but
_ _only
__________B/c
+++++++++++++I like
to
watch...
this
_____life,
this mishap,
__________this play,
this act...
_____________its so
choreographed
w/ broken
Bottles, wondering eyes, backstabbing friendships
hugging sluts
bringing in the new year w/ kisses
forgotten.

shallow depth
the bartender
gives out
free drinks
my eyes dried
out

b/c
of the
smoke.

I wished
to
return
to Oakland
Oceanside
of
my
mysitc hermit
----Loft
---So I
Could lock the door
and get
peace
---& quiet
but
- even
there
I have a Mess
to
deal with
no
=peace
no
====darkness
nothing
walking-waking
_______________blaring
Fools

that deprive me
of
sleep


my
lot

modern spiritual hymn

the battery pack
was jammed...
energy sapped
all we could do
is pray...a way out of this trap
if god let's us shine

to blind the pride
lion
roar

half serpent
half boar

her Majesty declared
war....

so much for

the brave whore
sucking at her wounds

at a young age I dealt with bottled up rage


turn the page
wanted to
roll over
in
the grave
read the dirt
till
one man came

none next to him

thieves AND thugs
locked in a
convex dimension

shameless plug

I can swing my slugs
only in prayer,
done out of love
..................never hate
some savior
to be
born of a babe

teens
having
kids

just
to die
to live

we cry
crucifix tears

this is the
seventh year
of the 2000
God gave

A
rams horn filled w/
of the blood of a thorn crown
kings will come to reign
and fall down
many soldiers bones will decay,
or
play
as ring tones...

sold to make
a prophet_his money

to feed
his poor pockets

blessed is the day of the
lord's tupac-olypse
when the wicked fall

mic cords w/
swollen lips
in stolen whips

drive...bye
thinking

(these streets need repaved)

sky high my winded sigh
relaxes the muscles in my eyes
focused on my heaven-hustle
seven stanzas
of em shits is bananas
held a hand cannon once
it's powerful
shields powered up
the steering wheels
forget the shining rims
pack a note pad of these spiritual
hymns

sing songs,
give
thanks.

slang
silly-bulls
or
walk the plank...

never drank w/ sharks
in Davey Jones locker
I'm...one part vodka
two parts holy mantra
whiskey-
wishing
-well
burn in water or swim in hell

a sober mans
first look
at his new born

a homeless man
points to mecca
and prays

I give my praise
in similar ways

cross and the switch blade
to the lost looking to be saved
angels and saints
repent and pray




this is slaughter
why bother

tribe of Judah
sharpshooter

walking the valley
of
death
dead-steps
at a lost of breath
beaten and bruised
weakened and used
he wipes the blood
off his breastplate
rocks stepping razor
in his player
on his way to Sunday
service
still nervous
about
past sins and
clenches
his ends...

his watch slips,
down his wrist
can't believe
just shot his kid.

God give us the serenity
to deal with the insanity
the broken down
humanity

sisters of the cloth, anoint
lepers in the goth
brother slang scriptures
whooping cough
picture a monk
a saint
at a blank page
going insane
hearts

the talk-walk

if
you
create
a
buzz
the
bees
will
swarm
one
bee
will
win
but
it'll
cost
her


her
stinger
the
wings
will
shrivel
her
hair
will
fall
out
if
the
reading
doesn't
go
right,
but
the
poet
knows
how
to
charm
he
should
be
able
to
at
least
take
home
honey
jars
of
pooh-
bear
pride

the week is almost over

pills
drugs
false
hope
and over due bills

when when it
be

over

stiff drinks

NAKED LADIES NEVER TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES

wonder the
breast size
and
hip size.
_________like to see
that
____ass
nude
w/ goose bumps-waiting
for a warm
_________touch

of the
____COCK...

Invest
in
a time piece
and tell
the future
by kissing nipples

but watch
for
the cotton mouth

its sure to taste

like panties
___under her pussy

rewind-reverse
her unfasten bra

lips
like lilies
earlobes

to suck
honey
suckle
and sweet teardrops
of morning dew
eyes raise
to see sunlight through
blinds
my morning-muse

nude in splendor
Clothed
in
succulent skin

erect-day dream

while I lose
my hearing

photo flap and depression

I took
a photo-flap
out of an
unused
wallet
and put it

in mine

so
I
could

Look
at HER
Picture

She was Beautiful
I found Myself
opening the Billfold
everyday
just
to view what pussy
I wasn't getting

wet
Dreams
Dry days and in B/W
was my sad lonely Look
headphones plugging
my ears
so I couldn't
hear the silence
that would
disturb
my steps...life is growing
all around me
but I refuse
to go along with it
I stay young
I
stay
Driven
I stay sucked
at soul
for some sort
of lifestyle-suffering
that would bring in a paycheck

but all was
froze this moment
my expired plates
on my 2003 sentra
sat in a parking lot
got a new ID
in a state
I only
visit
once
a year
confusion and misplacement
has never felt so Good.

faultline on the railroad tracks

______________________________________8:23am_______________________
_______________________"you feel that?"_______________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________the earth moved________________________________!
_____________________________________________________________________
________________________________________"it was a car on the over pass"
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
____________________________"naw it was an earthquake"_______________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
___________the railroad ties unfastened_____________ ____ _ - - _ - _
_____________________________________________and the morning AmTrak
rushes bye__________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
_____________________"see, I told you just the railroad earth, like Kerouac
and Neal, or the Gut under bellies of America still working after all
these years"__________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
_______________________...and we're to pity the poor and admire the rich._
___________________if I had food then I wouldn't complain about much_
________then, if I had a job I'd be eating regularly_____________________
fate remarked oddly, when he put me on this earth, to be a_______
man________________________________ chained to the_____________ word;
__________ wisedom kissed my forhead and I was ________________ALIVE!_
this was the rant---ramble-rave--- of the town the talk of the wished upon stars
of ___________________HoLlYwOoD
while I see bums wake up every morning
to their scattered treasure chest of clothes,________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________ boxsprings, chairs, and broken bikes
graffitti stained walls with wet paint...aRt shinning through the despair_____
about the time you're having your morning coffee at STARBuck$__________
he's letting his pants fall down in front of millions and they don't flinch or even
look, they're devoid of suffering they know not of the human experince anymore.
_____________________________________________________________________________
then there is me................................................................................a house bum-hermit
that should be out on the streets pushing carts of trash with a smile, forced.

computer died what a life it is

my computer died
but this little light flashes
like a glimmer of hope,
saying you might wake up in the morning to find it fully
operational and functional.
l
...but I sit with stolen moments on my roomates computer typing you this quick little rant...like a concentration camp
memoir, only the day is black and light is false.
when the sleep gets heavy on my eyes then I'll pass out to the worriesome cold that capusaltes my hellish figure.
_____- dante saw his vision of flames (still need to finish that peice of work but its so boring)
the sufferings of man due to his impoverished ponderings
of the afterlife.

joy and sorrows

as to say
this is a
upside
______- down
purgatory walk of
test
taking
bewilderment

nasty dream...and you're in it

had
a
nasty
dream
with

____an ex

(battle wounds)

sending me text messages
attached with
photos

of her

masturbating


I thought...

(that's a bad dream?)



...yea

she's a

_________headache

just waiting

to

happen

got to pouring another white Russian

and told myself

the cream
is

going to kill

you

sure

enough

a
pencil thin shit

leaked

out

and

blood

was

attached
this morning

(thinking she sent you pictures
of her perfect ass in the air
and all YOU can think about
is how awful
YOU

got it,


____________________ schmuck)

God, man, and the female mistake

"... I think it's spelled

with an...S"


what like

superficial


no, no like
super-hoe
the BDP
song


Scot-la-rock


yeah, man that's it....


super


Hoe

hold that thought until i shrink back...

recovered
from a hang over
the brake shop
had the
car


I had my blues

bad baby -broke
luck
stuffed in a notepad

skipped lunch
and headed
for the
bar by
_____________________noon
___________I
_t-h-i--n-k____
tomorrow I'll
look for a
job

I heard the place on
... ,_______________________________________________ um
23rd street was

hiring.

a cafe'
where I'd be able to
eye the young
hopeless
art
chicks

brushing up on their
hard starving
life
with a lonely
latte'
and laptop
foam
on their upper
lips
showing

that
mom and dad
sent
them
another
check
for the rent

and money was dwindling

me in
apron
hardly
seeing
a glimpse at the
typewriter
the keyboard
collects

someone

Else's


inspiration

Death of make up

----------
disposable
flesh tone
flawless
skin


you remember
when
we're
just children
I'm not sure
where
we
made
that
wrong
---turn*******

but
I'd like to
go ___k_c_a_b

___))))))))))))) _______((((((((((((((( the pile of leaves in the front
lawn
and the sprinklers
running
full blast
on brown
California
lawns
we'd jump through them as if
they'd
melt us
and that was the smile
and laughter
on
our
little
bellies

the eyes are giiving out and the drugs are wearing off

I better go get another
beer from the frig
"you know we could be the next Neal and jack!"
he said

"naw, us?... com' on yur druunx...yoou don'ts evend naw wh ut yur talkin' bout
they were mad crazy kicks man, we're new wave hipsters with no luck, fuct by tech no ology
my frrriennd"
I slurred back.
it was my fifth beer and after the bong hits
the pipes the pills and the occasional blow jobs
I thought- I could be Kerouac's ghost broke, restless and confused
shot in the dark it just be
holy-God-Christ toying with man kind letting them know
he doesn't shit around
with no talent
fools that forgot the railroad
but my railroad of the dirt-dust-to-ash-grave
is covered with graff
and the new rhythm is still
black fueled hip hop with a hustler and
dope dealer's Iceberg slim-pen


but again
who am I to say
what

I



AM...

shooting the keyboard

today I played around with sound
__ and made my ears
______________________________________________________________ ring
soon my plan
of
killing the
(whole)______ human race
will be finished...
I got a gun ,
there not that hard to find around east Oakland
w/ there serial scratched off...
the point isn't that I"d have a gun in the first place,
it's just this mexican guy
from down the block
on E.12th street and miller...
"he thinks he's shot shit if doesn't put down his pen and stop writting that shit about clouds filled with smog and write some real work THEN I'M FUCKING going TO fuckinKILL HIM..."
no point ruffling
_________peacock feathers_______

we just have a dispute
so I went and got the gun.
Once in my posession
I thought
"what me, take human
life?"
sure
seemed
r
_isky
and almost impowering
but
not _____-----the kind----
you'd take it up the
butt for 25 to life
blood is a paper cut
to
when
you
hear the
_____________________________________prison doors shut...

****note from author*****Try reading that last poem from the
_____b
______o
____________t__-_-_----t
______________________om





up

the smell
was
____dank
but it ran down the brown
walls
___if this is dyin,
I wonder what living is like?



in life
we
grow
old


in
_death
we
grow
_____young.

I Don't have time
to talk
about
________________________________________ poetry
only
___to write it...
I don't have time
to
play catch up
with my failures
only to keep
my current disappointments


at the drug store
picking
up
kleenex,
lotion,
and a fashion magazine
the
clerk looks at me
funny

I put my plam
up in the air
YES...THIS IS
THE HAND I MASTERBATE WITH

THE HAND I PRAY WITH

THE HAND THAT I EAT WITH

WIPE MY ASS WITH
THE HAND THAT FLIPS YOU OFF
WHILE DRIVING DOWN 88O
SOUTH
____I'm
___n
_____SANE
__I



YA GET IT NOW GO GET
MY CHANGE FROM YRRR
LIL' DROOR
AND
let me use yr restroom
sit down
taking a shit
crying my eyes out
reading a
fashion magazine
I apply the lotion to my
face to cover up the tears
Flush
get
up
and walk
out of the store

A
NEW

MAN.
(20 minutes later)

the shit is hitting the fan

spelling errors in dark code

by the time the lights are out
eating a bowl of rice and drinking a glass of water in a room with one light
and white
walls
hair=poet-mad
wild wordy fever
insanity looks a lot like below
to
be dead...
is to be at peace
but I'm wide awake
with bowl of rice in left hand
fork in other
and this quintessential
look
a
proper fellow
with Brightly blues
that saddened the cheeks of his lover
his is the story that keeps
telling stories
never bored or he'd of
ended his life long ago
he tried three times before
with no such luck
but this time
he'll be dead when the
light switch
goes click
Down
upon the
shoulder of the road
he's broken hood up
blinkers on
thumb out
cold
chilled to the metacarpus

faith,the internet, and 5 other women

he woke up did his routine, logged into his blog site cruised

the women on the Internet
did a double take on a girl named faith...
checked out her profile then moved on seemingly unaffected
next week he got a review of his work in the Times at the same time the girl
sent-slid a little note in his mail box saying, along the lines, of how she liked his half-ass poetry and his narcissistic mirror reflection. She, like Oliver, wanted more...he was ready to charge her. She sent him little links to help his high.. he smiled and said a thank you.
they started talking, exchanging photos and small words as the month moved on so did those small words. they grew and grew then it exploded...love was professed maybe on both sides of the coin too quickly. As the coin flipped into the air at just this moment his good-luck changed, both lived on different continents,
both broke without pennies or pounds, skinny and unassuming.
all of their friends thought they where crazy (maybe they were right)
he thought.
Maybe they were crazy-go-lucky-dreamers without sense of reality.
he didn't mind or seem to care, she didn't either.
they both happily exchanged addresses so as, to send gifts of affection across the sea that separated them.Utterly helpless to ever meet "that's life, a shit deal" he'd say
shit on both ends of the stick.
she had a beautiful 4 yr old boy whose heart was open, loving, and compassionate,
under the circumstances of his mother's manic highs' and lows'. The man didn't seem to see her flaws nor could he foresee any danger, it just excited his imagination into a frenzy of fire, his muse, he'd found a flower capable of always staying colorful
sure there are thorns, sure there is a cut stem to place in a vase, but the man saw broken, clipped roses as radiant mistakes of God's perfection. In her and his inability to hold one another-they where freely able to explore the world of worlds the dream of long-lasting dinner conversations...that went on for days, hours, years. filled w/ laughter, tears, passion, lust, sadness, fears-future plans were all discussed at the dinner table.
If they get to touch, the man feared he'd turn her to stone she was afraid, also,
more because she knew herself in all of her splendor she was still flawed. Able to yell, have outburst, throw things at him, hit him, fear being hit.
They were Blunt and honest wrapped in one they reflected this world w/ such glare it'd blind newborn children right in the womb. Shocked into shopping for airline tickets, wanting so bad to sit in the same room the man talked about taking a loan out to visit her in London or even her home. She also wanted to get away and come to America. But she quit her job and didn't have enough money for monthly bills, food, the rent on her flat. They both prayed for a miracle.
the man told her if her heart was pure her wish would come true, but the man didn't see how his own wish would amount.
knowing he only had his pen, his reading lamp, a towel hanging over a water pipe that ran through his room a 25 dollar stereo that played the classical station at night.
as he drifted off into sleep he knew he could only do one thing to bring her close to him


that was
to
Dream.

poems
by
Josiah





end
________table
lamp
____perfect
and dim

bowl of coins, condoms, shoelaces, dental floss, lip balm,
pipe, 3 candles,
one scented, two plain

a old book of poems
bible
underneath
the
end
table


there is
a bowl of cereal
milk from this morning___spoon
hardening
3 bottles, two empty, of Blue moon
-BELGIAN
WHITE_WHEAT ALE
picture of
_____Jesus
my
__Shoes
A
book
_____temple
__________of
____Sound

one
last line then
Cinderella's
glass
slipper
will
pass out
having to
wake up in
________morning
to scrub
Life-floors
to
make
a DIME

too much blood down the drain

tapping the knee
with my index finger
___________________________________

_________tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap,... tap tap tap
____
__
_
I grunt
nothing happens

-----------I get up from my toilet
put the seat down
flush then
head upstairs

the whole
time
I'm just waiting for
jumping heart
missed breath
fumble of feet

___anything_____
___to stop_______
____my________
_______life_____

___B____
___U____
___T____

nothing happened
I can barely type
I can barely see
I can barely think

the freeway was empty
the cars went home
the fog settled
on the street light
I was on my way

but I woke up on my couch in
the morning
I missed
the gym
the health food
store
the nice talks with
young girls


I missed it
all

All I had
was this bloody
spinning headache
with poisoned
lips that shouted
chuckles at
GOD

I must be a fool
...to play such a game
as
this.

poolhalls, thickhighs, and loneliness

he was
trying
to hard
to
reassure
himself
that he could
pick any one up in
the bar...
but
he had
no confidence

in
the mirror
the
girls didn't
eye him
(or me, for that matter)
he kept
telling
about his ex
A Barzilian aupair

that was poor in english
my german
wasn't
talking to me
but my mind
was on a girl
I never met
in england
one
I never even
saw,
touched,
kissed
but
she

writes
me daily
and we
talk of fireplaces
and kindled wood,
and rainy nights

DROPS
DENT
DREAM
on
there
way
down
from cloud-heaven
we'd warm each other
w/ cozy blankets
and
hot chocolate
sipping
each others
... tastebuds
and passing out w/
only
an
ocean
seperating
us...


pity
she's

not
here

but this guy
was
trying to get
laid
....and I'll I thought was
he's
no match for the poet...


A
true
boxer
of
words
&

charm

cage

my hands
can speak
still
cut
off
my
tongue
can still
think

stop my breathing
and I
shall

no longer

have to dream
...

I have no way of escaping death's row

my longings
for outside
worlds
are
trapped
inside
my
head
which wieghs
a

TON

poesy for the poor

in spirit

in humility
in the arts

in the life
and times

of one of the most
ecentric men
you'll ever read about
he likes to wake up

to two bowls of cerial

dash off to classes
where he studies the music

then its home to record
songs then
stays up to the wee hours
penning poems
and drawing
portriats of faces he
can't get out
his head

and one moment is
overwhelmed
into the
last year
of life
where
things are
safe to say
the most interestingthey've been
since he ran out of milk
and used beer
in that two bowls of





cerial.